Truly Mine
by Blue Quartz
Summary: Rin is looking for answers to her questions; but along the way she finds herself caught up in a grand love affair. RinHaru & RinShigure.


Truly Mine

Notes: Yet another song fic inspired by …well a song. This one will be based around Rin for three reasons. One: There are not enough fics about her. Two: She's an awesome character. Three: The song that I am using 'Life for Rent' by Dido just "fits" Rin's character to a tea well to me at least…

Warning: Some language, possible OOC moments from Rin…and others since I haven't read all the manga.

Disclaimers: I own nothing! The song, the anime, the characters…nothing! I just own the concept for the so please no suing and no stealing!

Part One

Nothing

_**I haven't ever really found a place that I call home…**_

"This place… sickens me." I admitted to Shigure as he placed a cup of tea in front of me.

"Ah…so that's why you haven't been dropping by as often as you use to," the inu commented sagely as he took a small sip from his own cup then placed it back on the table.

As for myself I had just raised my cup to my lips, even though I had my eyes closed for a moment I could feel that burning stare of his.

Flawlessly I placed the cup back and then opened one eye, "You know damn well why I don't come and …visit anymore Shigure. Since those "children" moved into your house it is next to imposable to hold an adult conversation with you."

He chuckled softly, "Rin-chan you know that I would drop everything just to have a brief chat with you…but these 'adult conversations' as you call them always seems to be missing one adult from them…and you know that I've been advised to stop talking to myself."

I silently gritted my teeth. It's is physically imposable to talk to him when he's being glib.

I could come back on another day when he might be in a more thoughtful mood but since the "children" are away at school this is an opportune time to trap Shigure and force some answers out of him.

He must think of me as a child if he honestly believes that I am going to leave this house without knowing what is going on.

Others in the Souma house can sense it too…something big is going down. However instead of taking action and at least investigating they sit around stupidly pretending that they have no clue that our lives are slowly changing.

It's the girl…it's all her fault.

I just know it is her fault.

A quick glance around this house is proof enough.

Less than a year before she 'moved in' this place was a literal dump. Papers, leftover food, and god only know what else; littering the halls, the living room, even the bedrooms. But now…every room of the house is impeccable. But it is more than just the overhaul spring cleaning miracle this girl has worked on this house but the whole atmosphere has changed.

It just seems brighter….more cheerful and there is a very faint hint of a long forgotten hope lingering everywhere in this damn house…even in this very room I can all but 'feel' it.

She not only cleaned up this house but she's also fixing the lives of the men she shares this abode with.

She's the one who is setting the changes into motion.

…And I honestly could kill her for it.

_**I never stick around quite long enough to make it…**_

"Are you feeling alright Rin?" Shigure asked, "You're not drinking your tea."

To soothe his worries I lifted the cup to my lips.

Lately everyone has inquired about my health…as if they cared.

Oh I am sure the concern that Kagrua and her mother display is genuine and pure but others…like Shigure for example couldn't care less about my well-being.

They are not worried about me but instead of some changes of my own that I have set into action.

They are afraid.

He is afraid.

They know that I got hurt because I tipped the balance between us 'animals' and our god.

I am not the one to be feared. I am trying to instigate change for the better…this girl…this 'intruder' is the one to be feared.

_**I apologize once again…**_

A soft sigh from across the table draws my attention away. Glancing up I see Shigure glancing wistfully out the open window that looks out to the back porch.

"Lovely afternoon isn't it?"

"Yes it is." I agreed softly only to shake my head.

Setting my cup aside I cleared my throat, "Shigure…as much as I miss you…I didn't come here for pleasant banter."

A soft smirk crossed my lips as I tossed my hair over my shoulders making sure that he saw my creamy bared shoulders, "And you know that I didn't come here just to talk…that's why you're trying everything in the book to distract me from my true purpose."

Another chuckle from him, "On the contrary Rin-chan, I think it is you…that's trying to distract me."

"Oh?" I said taking in a deep breath, giving him a wonderful view of the top of my breast barely held in by my bodice shirt, you've just got to love Ayama and his creations, "And what makes you think that?" I said trying to sound nonchalant but to be honest…I was slightly afraid.

Shigure has such a magnetic persona that it is next to imposable to trick him since he can say things, and do things for you that you know are insincere but you can't help but believe him…you can't help but want to trust him.

Even if he told you the sky was purple I swear to god that man could make you believe that yes it is indeed purple.

That makes him dangerous…and yet so attractive.

Don't get me wrong though. I don't do the things I do just for some school girl fantasy or even unrequited love.

_**I am not in love**_

It would be ridiculous for me to even imagine being in love with Shigure since he can never love anyone but himself.

But like his year sake…as well as gender he should easily be charmed by my 'affections' and just maybe he would slip up and tell me something. I've known for awhile now that I can't seduce anything out of him but if I make him hot enough under the collar he might accidentally say something significant.

So far my progress has been both hindered by school and the constant presence of the children.

However he has become aware of my ploy…so automatically he thinks that he is the one in control.

Well we'll just have to see about that.

**_But it's not as if I mind…_**

'What about Haru?' a small part of my mind wonders.

I shake my head clear of that thought.

Strange though…I haven't actually thought about him in months…ever since, but it's always best not to dwell on the past and in my book at least Haru is in the past.

A smirk returned to my lips as I reached over and tenderly brushed Shigure's hand, lightly running the tips of my manicured nails over his knuckles.

"However, you should know better than anyone Shigure…that I do love to mix purposeful conversations with…some more 'playful' intentions underlying them." I said softly, deciding whether or not to toss in a wink but before I could finish that thought my seduction target started…laughing.

_**That you're heart isn't exactly breaking.**_

He cackled for a good three minutes… by that time I had drained my cup of tea and impatiently reached over to the tea pot resting on the table until Shigure snatched my hand out of the air.

Glancing up at him I couldn't help but feel my face flush.

'I do not have a crush on Shigure. I do not have a crush on Shigure….' I kept repeating in my mind but my free hand seemed to have a mind of its own because it moved from its place on the table and ascended to gently touch the side of his face.

He has such a handsome face.

No.

No. No! No! I must snap out of this! If I show him the slightest hint of weakness…I'll lose.

I quickly tried to rebuild my wall of self-confidence only to have it crumble as I saw more than felt Shigure open his mouth and kiss my palm.

Call it temporary insanity, being without a lover for way too long…or even…momentary attraction but I was somewhat touched by his gesture.

Slowly and mildly reluctant I withdrew my hand from his lips and then brought it back to my side of the table.

I stared down at my hand as if it was the most intriguing object on the planet, never mind that across from me could be the key to my questions.

I was so ashamed of myself.

How could I let myself so easily fall into my own trap?

I've had months of planning, I've even rehearsed in my mind the exact things that I would say given almost any situation but he seems to be ready for any sort of verbal confrontation.

One of the many reasons I admire him.

But admiration…like love can be viewed as weaknesses in such battles grounds as this.

"Alright, Rin-chan. Tell me what you want to know."

I looked up blinking in disbelief.

No way. He couldn't possibly be giving in this easily.

_**It's just a thought…**_

"But the question is…not what will I tell you; but just how much of the truth that you can handle?" Shigure said softly, his voice edged with ambiguity

_**Only a thought…**_

I couldn't help but sneer at his reply.

"You forget Shigure. You no longer need to hide things from me because I am no longer a child."

"You believe yourself to be an adult Rin but time and time again I have seen you prove otherwise. Your constant questions for example."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I am a woman…and you know better than anyone Shigure that women are born with curiosity."

He shrugged in turn, "Maybe Rin but also women have a sixth sense, intuition they call it. So you should use that to your advantage and stop questioning and just sit back and watch the show."

My teeth gritted against one another, this banter was not only annoying but also sidetracking from my true purpose.

"I want to know what is happening Shigure."

"I know that Rin-chan. But you still haven't answered my question. If I were to tell you the truth behind everything would you be able to handle it?"

"Yes…"

"Second question."

"Damnit Shigure just answer my question already!" I snapped.

For awhile the room went completely silent.

Then, "One more question Rin then I'll answer yours."

With a sigh of I sat back down, "Alright one more question." I reluctantly agreed.

He folded his hands in front of him and leaned in closer, his elbows on the table and his head slightly tilted to the side as he took a thoughtful puff of his formerly abandoned cigarette.

He lifted his dark eyes to me and asked me the one question that I hated the most.

"What is your life?"

_**But if my life is for rent…**_

"Pardon?" I asked, one of my eyebrows rose.

"What drives you? What do you live for? If you can give me a good enough answer then I'll answer your question."

_**And I don't learn to buy…**_

"But…that has nothing to do with this!" I snapped, "Why should I answer such an irrelevant question."

A dry chuckle came from Shigure, "It's not an irrelevant question Rin-chan. In fact…that alone is one of the most important questions in the world. It's the answers that spur people to endure through tragedy…but left unanswered the question can literally rot a being's soul to the point that if life is empty then maybe death would be a much better solution."

_**Then I deserve nothing more than I get…**_

He took another drag of his cigarette then stared directly at me, "So Rin-chan…just what are you living for? To know the truth? Well if that's all then it would be a great disappointment if I were to just answer your questions. Maybe you should go searching for them yourself."

**_Cause nothing I have is truly mine._**

"You know I can't do that." I muttered softly.

"And why not?"

The clock in the living room struck three. The children should be coming home from school. Although their intrusion would be a welcome right now…they just might save me from stumbling into yet another awkward situation but I can't let them see me here…especially precious Tohru.

Slowly I rose to my feet and without another word to Shigure slide through the front door and then slam it shut.

_**I always thought that I would love to live by the sea…**_

Almost an hour later I stepped off of the afternoon train. It was crowded with literal thousands of school children heading to their homes while I was heading as far away from 'home' as I could possibly get.

Setting out to the start of the boardwalk I turned my head to stare out at the endless azure sea. It sparkled in the afternoon sun just as the watercolors started the bleed across the skyline. I could not only smell the salt air but also feel it wrap around me as a cold autumn breeze whispered to me sending strands of my hair flying.

This is home…out in the open air…far away from the world I have grown to loath.

The Souma complex has never been a kind place to one with such a restless spirit as mine. I've always hated that place…everyone single member of your family is always nearby and unwanted visits seemed obligatory. So may people crowd in one place that it would be a literal nightmare for a claustrophobic.

How I yearn to be free from it.

To just escape it all and never come back would be like a dream to me.

_**To travel the world and live more simply**_

Sadly though I am tethered to that damn household…to this 'family', to the traditions and the curse.

Everything is holding me back from what I really want.

Freedom.

_**I have no idea what's happen to that dream…**_

I could do like Kagura…I could run away.

I probably would get a heck of a lot further than Shigure's front door too.

I've graduated junior college so there would be no obstacle in my path.

_**Cause there's really nothing left to stop me.**_

Well Akito might try to stop me…

….And Kagura would call me a hypocrite…

…And Haru…

_**It's just a thought…only a thought**_

I would miss him…I doubt that he would honestly miss me though.

Because I don't think he has ever forgiven me for the things I said.

He must hate me…but then again he said some unforgivable things to me as well.

But I am not angry at him.

I never was.

_**But if my life is for rent…**_

That might have something to do with the fact that during our fight he turned 'black' or it could be that I love him too much to actually hate him.

'What is you're life Rin-chan.'

_**And I don't learn to buy.**_

I shook my head in disbelief. That stupid question of Shigure.

However now it doesn't seem so 'stupid' nor irrelevant as it did when I was sitting across from him drinking tea.

_**Well I deserve nothing more than I get…**_

Suddenly this vast world with only sand and ocean surf seemed cold and painfully lonely so I walked back to the subway station to wait for the next train home without even a longing glance back at the sea that is as wild as me…and as free as I desperately wish to be.

_**Cause nothing I have is truly mine.**_

I arrived at the gates to the Souma complex about an hour or so after nightfall mostly since it's a long walk from the subway station to the complex. Wrapping my right hand around the gate I effortlessly swung it open and slip through the gap. Hopefully Kagura and her mother won't be too worried about me. It annoys me to no end when they fuss over me…although I have to admit that having someone especially two people honestly care that much is touching.

"You're out rather later…aren't you Rin?" a voice inquired.

Quickly I turned my head only to have my breath catch in my throat as I stared into the dark and vacant appearing eyes of my former lover.

Haru.

Clearing my throat I gave him a curt nod before slowly walking away from the gate.

I can't bring myself to speak to him.

But apparently he's not finished with me.

"Where were you?" he asked softly.

"None of your concern." I snapped harshly.

I want to run away, to hide…god why did you make it so that he literally has a power over me.

I want to run into his arms and cry like a little girl.

I want to say how much I miss him and how I am so sorry for the things I said.

I want…I want him back in my life…but I can never tell him any of these things.

Because I promised….that I wouldn't love him.

_**My heart is a shield**_

Staring at him with my coldest stare I tried to lock every kind thought, every tender action, and every fond memory of us into an airtight vault. Let the memories and feelings rot within it for all I care. I am a cold and heartless bitch who doesn't feel for anyone. Who only cares for herself. All of this I tried to convey in this single stare…

_**And I won't let it down.**_

Slowly Haru silently retreated back towards his house.

Good. Go walk on back home 'cowboy'! Who needs you anyway! I don't! I never needed you! I never needed anyone!

So you go and if I see you're face again…

_**While I am so afraid…**_

I just might kiss you…and only hell knows what kind of disaster that would bring about.

I stood in the middle of the garden, watching as Haru stepped onto the porch of his house and open the door.

He's head turned slightly as if he was about to look back at me.

_**To even try**_

Don't…please don't look back. Just go inside. Forget you ever saw me. Pretend that I don't exist…because for the past few months you haven't existed in my world so why should I live in yours?

He didn't turn back, he just slipped off his shoes and opened the door to slip inside his house then shut the door close behind him.

That simple and effortless act…triggered something in me.

He's officially moved on. He doesn't need me anymore than I 'need' him. We are now complete strangers….never mind that at one point in time our bodies melted into one being…never mind that we loved each other so much that almost nothing could tear us apart. Forget all of that. I don't live in your corner of the world…even though my house is right across from yours and we could easily wave to one another before he heads to school in the morning.

_**Well how can I...**_

Just forget…that he was the only person who ever understood me.

Let is fade into oblivion…that we use to hold each other so tightly because we needed each other to see it through another day.

Our eyes never meet. A spark of attraction never flew. We never touched. Never kissed or made love.

Nothing along those lines ever existed between us.

We just…exist.

_**Say I am alive?**_

I get the point now Shigure but you were wrong…I do need answers but not from you this time.

'What is my life?'

Simple to answer…almost ridiculous even.

My life is made up…of everything I can't have.

_**Cause nothing I have is truly mine.**_

Notes: 'winces' I hope this wasn't too bad…and yes I know that all three characters are OOC but please don't hurt me! I only a messenger for my ever hungry muses…yes the muses don't 'inspire' me…I am their slave instead ;; whether it is good or bad please review Bye for now.


End file.
